![]() ![]() Being laughed at to your face or behind your back for not knowing to mask certain neurodiverse behaviors stays with you for a long time, and it gradually makes you afraid to show any signs of your actual personality in a public setting.ĭuring my private school years, I masked for six hours every day during the week. I began to feel broken compared to my classmates, always masking and never really being able to truly show myself in fear of losing the little bit of dignity I felt I had left. ![]() I began to mask extensively after that, even opting out of dance invitations from my friends in future social settings. I was humiliated, insulted, and disgraced with myself. I moved the way my body wanted, and in turn, my dance partner stopped and asked me, “What the heck are you doing dancing like that?” When I answered that I was just having fun, he said, “That looks weird,” hid from me, and started laughing with his group of friends. As soon as we started, though, the music picked up and I started to stim dance. As an eleven-year-old girl, being asked to dance by the boy I liked was probably the most exhilarating moment I could imagine. I didn’t know what masking was as a child, and in turn I was subjected to alienation, bullying, and harassment. Masking is something that a lot of the community has learned to do since childhood, and it can take a huge toll on someone’s psyche long term. In the autistic and neurodiverse community, essentially hiding your less-than-neurotypical behaviors becomes normal. Shutdowns are less obvious but tend to happen when a person is completely unable to continue masking, and similarly, can take place after a meltdown has just concluded. Meltdowns can also occur from the extreme exhaustion that comes from masking. Meltdowns are a physical reaction to overstimulation surrounding auditory overload, visual overload, and sensory overload in general. Meltdowns and shutdowns are extremely common, especially in the autistic and neurodivergent community. Benjamin Russell was so unbelievably validating. ![]() As a neurodiverse person with lived experience, watching this recent discussion by Haley Moss and Dr. ![]()
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